Experimental Job Tip: Downplay Yourself

After attending a series of career and networking events (such as this one), I've decided to try something different with my resume. Instead of highlighting stuff like accomplishments and details, I'm going to downplay myself. Because let's face it, the real reasons I'm not finding high-paying, benefit-rich, ultra-satisfying, flexible work are that (a) my celebrity status attracts unwanted attention at prospective employers, and (b) I'm dangerously overqualified.

Below is a draft of my downplayed resume. Do I still come off as too amazing? Let me know what you think. It's hard to downplay yourself when you're me.
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Meta Physics413 North Evanston Avenue, PO Box 10, Planet Earth
Objective: Employment

Skills: Proficient use of 3-hole punch, click pens, and one-sided tape

More Skills

• reading abilities
• strong spellor and grammerician
• excellent attendance, punctuational
• telephone communication experience
• proven bullet pointer

Work History
Inventor, BestDateEvar (2009-Present)
Tutor, Wu-Tang Learning Center (1997-2003)
Birthday Party Attender (1985-1992)
Dinosaur Farmer (seasonal)

Smarts
Discount of Arts (expected 2012), Eddie's Online University Outlet

• Major: Calendar Studies
  
• Minor: Medicinal Living
  
• Activities: Treasurer, Anti-Family Movement; Cardmaster, Diners Club

Computer Training: on/off, electronic mails, space bar, HMO

Hobbies: treasure hunting, telescoping