Monday, December 28, 2009

Holiday Thoughts

They say that the holidays are a time for food, family, and hating the holidays. I don’t know who 'they' are, but I suspect 'they' are some of the same people who celebrate Christmas Eve with push-up contests.

When I was a sophomore in college, I wrote an essay about how Coca-Cola killed Jesus.

I’m not big on gifts, but when I do give something, you can be sure that it’ll have quantifiable educational value. That’s why this year I got my 2-year-old nephew a toy Hummer that plays “U Can’t Touch This.”

I wonder if Hammer celebrates Can’t-touch-mas.

For those of you studying for the Miller Analogies Test, know that peas are to Shawn Kemp as corn is to Gary Payton.

My mom triggered a 2-hour discussion about binary oppositions when she asked me who my favorite superhero was. Mom, you should know better.

A lot of these holidays happen every year. I think we would be better off celebrating these days once every four years. Madonna would probably disagree, but she probably doesn’t even like the Olympics.

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