Friday, July 30, 2010

An Open Cover Letter to Lil Wayne

July 30, 2010

Dwayne Carter
Best Rapper Alive
Eric M. Taylor Center (AKA jail)
10-10 Hazen Street
East Elmhurst, NY 11370

To Mr. Carter:

I am writing to apply for the Young Money Associate Fan position posted on Yahoo! HotJobs. My interest in this position is based on the following objectives:

1. To aid Young Money Entertainment in providing the highest quality music imaginable
2. To further my career in educational publishing

As a practiced fanatic, I have the background and skill set that is necessary to support your record label’s positive image during your prison sentence. Key qualifications for my candidacy include an online certification in Youth and Money Studies, experience commenting on YouTube videos, and an overall mastery of the entire fanatic process.

In addition to 2 plus years of accomplished zealotry, I also possess the killer instinct to ‘penser de fa├žon originale' (that's French for 'think outside de box'). As an Intern Fan for Gucci Mane, I Simpsonized an image of Gucci and made it available on CafePress. This idea alone generated a bottom line revenue increase surplus of $26.70 for the Gucci Mane/OJ da Juiceman 32 Entertainment estate.

If that's not convincing enough, know that I own five variations of the “FREE WEEZY” t-shirt, and I wear them all the time as a testament to you being the political prisoner of our generation. I even have a tattoo with your name across my chest, and my girlfriend is jealous because I talk about you 24/7.

Weezy F Baby, I am confident I can help you, Drake, Nicki Minaj, and that other guy continue to be on every single song on the radio. Please contact me to discuss this in more detail.

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Young Money 4EVR,
Meta Physics

P.S. I think I’m an alien too!

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