Thursday, March 10, 2011

If I Ruled the World

Ruling the world. We’ve all thought about it. Tears for Fears confirmed it. Nas made a song or two about it. Even I, during long stretches in the dairy cooler, have ruminated on how I—if given the job—would run this crazy place we call world.

So, if I ruled the world . . .
  • School districts would have salary caps. And for every dollar a district goes over its cap, it would have to give $10,000 to a neighboring district in need.

  • Tavis Smiley and Barak Obama would trade places. This would allow Tavis to speak while standing up and Obama to host a radio show with Cornell West. A pretty sweet deal for both.

  • The Fugees would still be making music together. Get to work. Ain’t none of you dead.

  • The highest salaries would go to the most important jobs: teachers and retail workers.

  • Noise would be quieter.

  • Silence would be louder.

  • 1996 Tercels would be exempt from speeding tickets.

I’d ask how you would rule, but I’m pretty confident that you’d pretty much do the same stuff I would.

Also, I would only rule the world for two years. I’m not trying to Mayor Daley this thing. Give me two years, take notice of the vast improvements I’ve made, then reunite the madness that is Smiley and West.

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